On one of these occasions, I was camping by a small creek in the North Georgia woods. I had a beautiful fire burning right next to the creek, and I enjoyed a time of communion with God. Then I spent the night full of terror as I kept hearing the screams of Ned off in the distance. I have learned that being a real man of courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to fight and not allow the fear to rule over me. So I fought through the fear, not wanting to wear the shame of driving back to our cabin and asking my wife to hold me as I sucked my thumb.

In the morning I awoke and realized that I had survived the night without being assaulted-or mauled by a bear! There is nothing sweeter than a warm fire in the morning after a sleepless night of fear, so with the cool midst coming off the creek and the birds greeting the sun with their songs of joy, I began to restart the fire. Starting a fire that still has hot coals is a very easy task-all you need to do is add some fresh sticks near the coals and blow on the embers. This, of course, requires getting very close to the coals while on your hands and knees so that your breath will reach the coals. As I blew and the coals began to glow and ignite the kindling, a bright flame appeared and with it a huge snake leaped out of the fire right at me! It was not one of my most manly moments, as I screamed like a little girl and cussed like an old sailor. I am not sure who was more scared, me or the snake.

This snake had found a safe, warm bed for the night. The fire had died off making it safe to curl up next to and enjoy the warm afterglow. After calming down with a few cups of camping coffee, I had a time of reflection about this experience. Here are some of my insights from this Ugly Fire.

1. A cool fire is a dangerous place. Sin loves to hide in the heart of a believer who has let their passion for Jesus die out. It opens the door in our lives for evil to hide in us when we are not “cold or hot, but just lukewarm”. (Rev. 3:15) Satan can do more harm with a believer who is no longer on fire for Jesus than a lost pagan. We may have been hot for Jesus years ago, but now we are just living off the afterglow. Past memories of great spiritual experiences are nice, but they give no fire to warm our hearts today.

2. There is no greater way to clean our hearts out than to reignite our passion for Jesus. To try to drive out the enemy with religious activity is a waste of time. It would have been like me screaming at the fire to drive out the snake. All it took was some fresh air, and the flames did the rest. Attempting to get believers to do the things that it requires to be spiritual is so much easier when they are motivated by their love for Jesus. Having a burning passion for the things of God gives us strength to resist the pull of the things of this world.

3. It is not as hard as it seems to restart a cool fire. It requires some new wood, close contact, and fresh air. The new wood is the ignitable material, the Word of God. The close contact is our humbling of ourselves to say, “Please Lord, send fresh fire,” and the fresh air is the wind of His Spirit moving on the coals of our hearts. There is an old tradition of an unwritten statement of Jesus, “He who is near me is near the fire”. We do not have to create a fire-only press into Jesus who is “a consuming fire”. (Heb.12:29)

4. Do not be shocked when you press into the Lord to light your fire again, and a large snake jumps out! Evil cannot stand the presence of the Lord. You cannot have a heart on fire for Jesus and a heart that is filled with sin-it will put out your passion for Him. You do not need to focus so much on the sin that needs to go, as you do on the fire that needs to grow brighter. Walking in the light will both reveal our darkness and cleanse our hearts. (1 John 1:7)

5. The Apostle Paul had some words of wisdom for a young pastor he was mentoring that it was his responsibility to keep his fire burning bright for Jesus. “I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…” (2 Tim.1:6 ) We must take personal responsibility for the fire in our hearts. We cannot live off the warmth of the fire of others, we must have our own passionate love for Jesus. The Lord can use the fire in the heart of others to help re-ignite our hearts, hanging out with people on fire for Jesus is essential to keep our hearts on fire.

6. One of my favorite books is the Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan, which is an allegory of the Christian life. I have an old picture illustrating one of the experiences the main character Pilgrim has when he visits “The Interpreters House”. He is shown a wall with a huge fire coming out of it, but the devil is standing there pouring water on the fire-yet the fire is not extinguished. The Interpreter (representing the Holy Spirit) takes Pilgrim to the other side of the wall where he sees the secret of why the fire will not go out; it is Jesus standing over the fire with a small vile of oil pouring it on the fire. God’s oil to keep our fire burning is much stronger than the evil one’s water that tries to extinguish it. We must keep our eyes on the oil of the Spirit and not be discouraged by dampening waters of the evil one. “Many waters cannot quench your love” (Song of Songs 8:7).

How is your fire burning? Beware of a cool fire, bad things hide in it. Take some time to add some fresh fuel on your fire by spending time with Jesus and His word. Invite Him to breathe on your embers and pour out the oil of His Spirit, re-igniting your fire. There is no greater defense of evil than a heart on fire for Jesus.

Come fire of God burn in me, ignite my passions for eternity.

What are my disabilities? I had never been asked that, I had never considered that I might have disabilities. Without thinking the answer that came out of my mouth completely surprised me, but seemed to satisfy Daniel. “I am sure I have lots of disabilities”. He moved on to a far more important question, “what do you think about those high gas prices?”

I cannot get his question-and how the tables were turned on me-out of my mind. I went from being the pastor with all the wisdom to being the counselee! I am far more comfortable in the roll of the teacher or counselor than I am sitting in the hot seat with the light shining on me. What are my disabilities! Did he just spin this back on me? Was he as certain of my disabilities as I was of his? Did he just feel sorry for me for not being more like him? Could this be God using a very simple man with a very high pitched voice to speak to me?

The question, “What are your disabilities?” makes the assumption you have already judged them as being disabled-leaving the only option-for someone to acknowledge them. It is much like asking someone if they have stopped beating their wife. I realize now I could have asked, “Daniel do you have any disabilities?” He may be completely unaware of being different or he may think everyone else is weird and he is normal. More likely though, he just accepts others as they are without trying to diagnose and label them, hoping others will do the same to him. He reminds me of one of my favorite movie characters, Forest Gump. I have always felt Forest is a great example of a childlike Christ follower. Forest would say “I may be a simple man, but I know what love is.” We all need that kind of disability!

What are my disabilities? I have come to discover that one of my greatest disabilities is not thinking I have any. It is so easy to see the deficiencies and flaws in others, but mine all seem so acceptable. It is like trying to smell your own breath (which is nearly impossible). It requires an honest friend, a Daniel, to lovingly open our eyes. Even the Apostle Paul celebrated the fact of having a “thorn in the flesh”, a disability that gave him the awareness of desperately needing God’s grace. (2Cor. 12:7-10) When we are strong, without apparent disabilities, we live in a prideful self-confidence that leaves no room for God in our lives. When we are weak and aware of it, we know we must depend of His grace, which invites God into our lives. (I call this the Power of Ugly)

Jesus warned us to first take care of the large wood beam in our eyes before we attempt to help a friend take a small speck of dust out of their eye. (Mat.7:3-5) It would be a painful experience to have a two-by-four sticking out of our heads, beating the person we are attempting to help with their problems. In fact, Jesus describes this as hypocritical and warns us to get the beam out of our eye first before we attempt to help another with their disabilities. Looking into the mirror is far more challenging than picking the weakness out in others. I am sure the Lord would have been far more pleased if I first told Daniel some of my weaknesses and disabilities before assaulting him with my beam.

Far too many Christians have the reputation of judging others and pointing out the evils in the world around us, blinded to their own sins. They are much like a person walking through a hospital shouting at people telling them they are all sick! We must learn to be like Dr. Jesus who “came to heal those who were sick”. (Mark 2:17) In fact, Jesus has nothing to offer those who have no disabilities-it is only the broken, the sinful, the weak, the lost, and the nobodies that He came to save. There is not a more difficult group of people to reach than those who feel they are good people. Rarely do people seek out a doctor when they feel healthy; no it is the sick that look for a healer. The only hope for those who are blinded to their need for healing is an “Epiphany of Weakness”. It is a gift to have our eyes opened to our true condition, revealing how desperately disabled we are. Only when we understand how sick we are will we seek for Doctor Jesus, who alone has the cure.

When I dropped Daniel off at his apartment, he got out, walking fast, as usual with his head down and he said “thank you for being my friend”. With tears in my eyes, I choked out the words, “No, thank you for being my friend”. I need him far more than he needs me! “God chose the weak things of this world to shame the strong”. (1 Cor. 1:27)

So what are your disabilities?

The song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” sounds so sweet, but is far from the truth. Most of us carry a lot of baggage and make for heavy lifting. Jesus tells the story of a crippled man that was unable to get to Him for healing on his own, but he was blessed to have four friends who carried him to Jesus (Mark 2:3). These friends go to great lengths to help their friend, they even “dug a ditch” in a roof to get him to Jesus. (See Ugly Ditches) The fact that Mark tells us that it took four friends to carry this guy makes me wonder if he was a big dude. These guys were straining under the dead weight of their friend, probably praying, “O God, O God, O God, Help”-as they sang “He is so heavy, but he’s my brother”.

I will confess, I am a heavy load for my friends. I often remind them, “it costs to be my friend.” I am so blessed to have a number of really good friends in my life who have, on many occasions, helped carry me to Jesus. I know these friends are a gift from God, but I have had to cultivate these friendships. Proverbs tells us that “he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (11:25). Friends may come into your life by the providence of God, and He expects us to be friendly and to serve others without putting expectations on them. Nothing will ruin a friendship quicker than unhealthy expectations.

Loneliness is a plague in our hooked up society. We may have acquaintances, but few friends. Again Proverbs warns, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24). The question is not how many people do you know, or how many “facebook friends” do you have, but who are you investing in as a friend without expecting something in return. Friendships take time, and are deepened through hard times. It has been in the dark places of my life where my deepest friendships have been forged. Seeing me in all my ugliness and still loving me, “A friend loves at all times.” (Pro. 17:17)

You might ask,” How many friends do you need?” My answer is how heavy are you? The bigger the load you are, the greater number of friends you need. I know I am heavy, requiring many strong friends. That obligates me to do a lot of heavy lifting for others, investing in them and acting as a friend. We must sow friendship to reap friends. You must catch stage divers before you expect to be caught!

There are no perfect friends out there, only broken people who are just like you. If you are expecting someone to never hurt you or let you down-a pretty friend-you are going to be greatly disillusioned. Only Jesus is a friend that will never fail us. All my friends are Ugly, because I am Ugly. We show each other grace to cover our weaknesses with a “love that covers a multitude of sin” (1 Peter 4:8). Here is one of my Ugly Friends reviews of my book The Power of Ugly:

“I once read this, ‘Friendship is like a prism through which the many variations of beauty are revealed in our lives.’ Jamie Stilson has been one of those great friends ever since I first met him nearly twenty-five years ago. But in this case, he has been the kind of friend that has helped reveal the ‘ugly’ in my own life. Whether traveling to Africa together or just doing lunch together every Monday for the last fourteen years, Jamie has shown me how to take God seriously without taking myself too seriously. Jamie has helped me to see my own ugliness and my need of God’s humbling grace. I absolutely loved reading his book, The Power of Ugly, because it so represents who he is-authentic, earthy, funny, insightful and in love with Jesus. This is a must read, you will laugh and you will cry. You will be challenged and you will be blessed. For sure, you will get a fresh new view of your ugly self and of God’s beautiful grace.” Dennis Gingerich, Founding Pastor Cape Christian Fellowship, Cape Coral, FL.

There are few people who, like Dennis, know all my ugliness and still love me. It is so humbling to have friends like him. Beautiful friends who never have a weakness are usually artificial, superficial and terrible stage diving catchers. Give me any ugly friend who loves me in spite of all my weaknesses any day over a fake pretty friend.

Here is a simple friendship test:

1. You need to move-who do you call to help pack? Who have you helped move?

2. You have two tickets to the NBA playoffs who do you bring? (assuming your wife hates b-ball).

3. Your teenager has not come home and it is 3 in the a.m., who do you call? (excluding the police and your pastor)

4. Who do you pray for regularly? Who are you aware of that prays for you?

5. Who will serve as pal-bearers at your memorial? Whose funeral have you attended?

6. If you are extremely sick, lying in a bed in Africa with only your tighty-whities on, who will dare to come in and pray for you?

7. Who do you tell your struggles, fears, and sins to?

8. Who will catch you if you go stage diving?

Let me end with a short list of some of my burden-bearing ugly friends who know I am ugly and heavy, but still choose to carry me. Bobby H. (36 yrs.), Dennis G. (25 yrs.), Jorge A (16 yrs.), Bob H. (12 yrs.) ,Jeff S. (5 yrs.), David C. (12 yrs.), David R. (16 yrs.), Bob M. (33 yrs.), Kevin F. (20 yrs.), Gary S. (32 yrs.), Steve L. (20 yrs.), Charles M. (30 yrs.). You all have helped carry me to Jesus to find healing, your love has covered a multitude of my sins and my life is richer because of you. Thank you my ugly brothers from another mother.

In the 70’s this was a saying we used to put someone in their place who thought they were all that. You might be a red-neck if you have a bumper sticker that says “My Son Is a Ditch Digger”. You may be shocked to find out that digging a ditch is one of the most spiritual things you can do!

In 2 Kings 3, we find the story of Gods people marching to battle against their enemy. There were in the desert and ran out of water, leaving them weak and vulnerable. They called on God and He sent them the prophet Elisha, and they begged him to give them a word from God. After a time of worship-and with great expectancy-the leaders waited for this man of God to give them the words that would deliver them.

“Dig ditches. In fact, fill the whole valley with ditches.” That’s all you got? “Dig a ditch.” What kind of foolish message is that? We are warriors ready for battle and you want us to drop our swords and start digging? Our enemies will mock us and chanting, “Your daddy digs ditches….”

I love the ways of God, they are always humbling to our pride and offensive to our wisdom. It would make sense to dig ditches if there was some secret underground stream, or if there were dark clouds in the distance, but that was not the case. They had to dig in humble obedience to the word from God. As they filled the valley with ditches, it must have felt much like digging their own graves. The wilderness is the place of dying to our abilities and strengths to discover His grace. Doing the faithful work that seems unimportant is our part of the miracle. We cannot create rain-that is God’s job-but we can be ready for it. In fact the Lord told them that they, “would never see any rain, yet the valley would be filled with water”.

This word reminds me of how John Wimber the founder of the Vineyard would describe how revival works. He used the analogy of the people of God in worship-without knowing where the water came from, they looked down and discovered they were standing ankle deep in water. They Lifted their heads to heaven, returning to worship, only to discover now that they were standing knee deep in the water. Again, they went back to worship, keeping their eyes on Jesus, not the level of the water. Suddenly they were being swept away by the water because it was so deep. John taught us to never seek the power of the Spirit, but to seek the presence of Jesus-because the power was in the presence. He cautioned us from focusing on the rising water and to just keep worshipping (digging ditches). The work of the Spirit is a mystery and cannot be manufactured, explained, or controlled. But we can be prepared with empty ditches that He can fill!

I received this word from the Lord to dig ditches a number of years ago when our church was experiencing a severe drought. We were going through a time of painful pruning, with many people leaving the church. We had lost nearly twenty percent of our congregation, moved back to one weekend service, and I was ready to quit. During this time my Mother moved in with us and was dying. It was a dark night for my soul. In the midst of this, the Lord challenged me to grab a shovel and start digging ditches. I knew He was not telling me to try to dig out of this, but to start doing things that brought expectation of the coming rain.

My ditches were things like digging deeper into time alone with the Father and journaling. I spent more time studying His word just to feed my soul. I invested more time in my young leaders. I worked on moving the church to be more outwardly focused. Much of what I did was uneventful and ordinary-just one shovel at a time. I did not want to dig alone, so I called our team to join me filling our valley with ditches.

We planned on new ditches in our church by launching our community groups with far more groups than we could ever fill. We restarted a second service, not knowing where the people would come from to fill it. We added another day in our Hope Center to feed people. We promoted some very young leaders to replace many of the old ones who had left the church. None of the things we did produced the rain, but we dug all these ditches in obedience and faith, expecting God to faithfully do His part. An Ugly Ditch is a statement that says we are desperately dependent, but confidently expectant. Something supernatural happens to a church that gets it about digging ditches.

To not dig is to die, as you cannot live long without hope. To not dig is to be unfaithful and lazy spiritually. To not dig is to be unprepared for His outpouring of blessings; they will just run off the hard ground. Waiting on God in the desert place is a very difficult journey, but if you grab a shovel and start digging some Ugly Ditches without looking for the rain clouds, it will build both character and your faith.

If you look at the hands of any leader who has survived the desert, you will discover some tough spiritually calloused hands from many hours with a shovel. Most Christians today have soft hands and calloused hearts. We need to learn the spiritual discipline of ditch digging. Remember as the Lord told the people about the ditches being filled “This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord”. (2 Kings 3:18)

It is never our responsibility to do what is God’s part-that is prideful unbelief. It is also passive, lazy, and unfaithful to expect God to do our part. This is how grace works: we dig the ditches and He fills them with good things. So grab a shovel and start digging some Ugly Ditches. Don’t be surprised when you look down and the water is rising, just keep digging. I will receive it as an honor to be hear the Lord say “well done my good and faithful ditch digger”.

I have studied lots of theology books, and I love to read about the attributes of God, but I’ve come to discover that they often leave out some of the most important ones.  One that no one talks about is the “slowness of God”. God behind the wheel is no Nascar driver; He is more like a winter visitor from Ohio. Every time I begin to feel a little holy, God sends one of these drivers to pull out in front of me and go 20 miles an hour for ten miles on a two lane road where passing is not allowed. Waiting on the Lord would be easy if God could find the gas pedal and hurry up; why is He so slow?

Most of my prayer life is wasted on trying to get God on my timetable.  He is like my wife; the more you blow the horn, the slower He goes. I know you can quote me the sweet Christian saying, “God is never late”, but that depends on whose time table you are talking about, ours or His. God moves with eternity in mind: “a day with him is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day”. That’s not the clock that is ticking in my brain. We are admonished to “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

Waiting on the Lord requires dying to you being in charge. It is not only doing the will of God but doing it in His time. Many times I have discerned what the Father wants me to do and I launch out to do it, only to quickly discover I am without His peace. I have moved ahead of Him. A good thing becomes a bad thing when we do it on our time not His. We become like Abraham, who got tired of waiting on God and attempted to help him make a son in his own strength, resulting in Ishmael. He begged God to bless this son as the fulfillment of His promise, but God said no.  We must do the will of God His way and in His time. Premature actions lead to pain.

The “slowness of God” is rooted in His love and wisdom. It is so arrogant to think we know better than God in what He should do, and it is just as prideful to think we know when God should do something. God’s timing is perfect even if it is late to us.  Learning to wait on the Lord is not some form of stoic gritting your teeth and fighting the urge to blow the horn. The art of waiting is an act of surrender; it’s worship. It’s celebrating our trust in Him and the expectation that we will see His goodness in His time.  How we wait is often more important than if we wait.  We must wait with our eyes on Him, resting with peace.  As we wait, He is working in us to make us ready for what is coming. He promises that, “They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength”. (Isa.40:31)

There are desperate times when it is appropriate to pray, as the Psalmist does, for God’s help to come quickly, “Hurry O God, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me.” (Ps.70:1) There is nothing that can travel faster than the speed of God’s mercy reaching down to rescue us.  We can say that He is both extremely slow, yet at other times He moves as suddenly as lightning; and it is always up to Him to set the speed.  If you read the Gospels you will see over and over how Jesus let the Father set the pace.  He traveled with a since of Kingdom time, not by the demands of others.  Jesus often said no to doing good things because it was not the right time.  He was never in a hurry. Jesus invites us to “take his yoke upon us and learn from him” (Mat.12:29), and when we do this we discover the speed of grace.  It is the speed of letting him set the pace, which in my life is often much slower than I would like to go.This gives new meaning to the African proverb, “if you want to go fast, go alone and if you want to go far, go together”. I am learning to delight in His pace, realizing how much farther I will be able to go walking with Him in joy and peace.

Learning to wait on the Lord is a messy struggle, but Ugly Waiting is far better than missing God.  “Be still and know that I am God”.  (Ps. 46:10)

This shaking of my confidence and certainty is very humbling, as I am surrounded by the strong young leaders that I am mentoring who look to me for direction. What happened to me? I used to have all the answers, a verse for everything, a decisive decision maker, and now I find myself getting advice from my 6 year old granddaughter. Recently I was driving Keyara back to her house after a sleepover at grandma and grandpas. I was telling her about a hawk I saw on my walk that morning that had killed a little squirrel and how sad it was. She said “the Hawk has to eat and feed his babies”, I said yes, but it was still sad. Sensing I still needed some encouragement, from the back seat she said, “Grampy, sometimes you gots to do what you gots to do”. Yes, that is it! The wisdom was what I needed to hear to help me make a leadership decision I had been wrestling with. O yes, a little child can lead us, if He has broken your strength.

I think the Apostle Peter arrived at this point of ugly maturity after denying Jesus 3 times and being restored to Jesus after the resurrection. Jesus gave him a prophetic picture of his future death, and I believe of the rest of his life, “I tell you the truth, when you were younger, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old (mature) you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go”. I know Jesus was speaking of the death that Peter would glorify God with, but I also think this is the life of dependency and weakness that maturity brings. In the course of Peter’s life, Jesus broke his strength.

The strength of my beliefs may be weak at times, but it only strengthens my trust in Jesus. I am often uncertain of the direction I need to lead the church in, but that only increases my dependency on the Shepherd. I may struggle with inner confidence of being up for the task, but I know He is my rock. Of course I would rather “dress myself”; it’s embarrassing to have to admit to my young leaders that I have no idea what to do next and that they need to help lead me.

Why does God do this to us? Consider these words from Thomas Merton: “a man who is not stripped and poor and naked within his own soul will always unconsciously do the work he has to do for his own sake rather than for the glory of God.” He weakens our strength only to protect us from the wickedness of self confidence in order to bring us to complete dependency on Christ, giving all the glory to God.

We must learn to celebrate our weakness and uncertainty, knowing they are invitations to know Him better; but the better I know Him, the less certain I am of knowing Him. Beware of God experts, of bible teachers who have it all figured out, and especially of end time specialists who know the identity of Gog and Magog. Watch out for leaders who don’t walk with a limp of uncertainty.

The path to maturity is a painful experience. It involves letting go of certainty, and being willing to live in the mystery of not knowing, but knowing Him. We stop depending on our doctrinal certainty, and rest in knowing that He is the truth. We retire from being the expert who tells everyone how to do it, and we point people to the true Shepherd who holds our hand and guides us. We are insecure and fearful, yet we find in Jesus the strength to be able to what He has called us to do. With Him holding my hand I find the courage “to do what I gots to do”, and that is Ugly Maturity.

The words that came next as I journaled were even more shocking, “Jamie, you need Daniel more than he needs you”. What? What can a severely handicapped man do for me? How can one who is so weak and dependent, do something for me? I knew I was about to be enrolled in a new training course of the kingdom. (I do not remember registering for this course!)

The Sunday after returning home, I had just sat down in my normal spot in the front row when Daniel plopped down in the seat next to me. As we were worshipping, I couldn’t help watching him. He stands looking down, holding his wrist with his other hand, rocking back and forth ever so slightly, never singing a word. The Lord whispered to me that Daniel was dancing before Him in worship and He delighted in it. Tears welled up as I began to “see” Daniel with the Fathers eyes. Daniel is not like some who try to draw attention to themselves, flailing their hands in the air, which is often far more about ‘notice me’ than it is about worship. Daniel has no awareness of others; he was just dancing before the one who delights in him.

I was just starting my message when Daniel got out of his seat and began walking toward the pulpit. It was only a matter of seconds but my mind raced with thoughts of what would happen next. Standing right in front of me, with the entire congregation watching in suspense, without saying a word, he handed me his Bible. At that moment I knew what he was up to – several weeks earlier when my wife Kim was preaching, he had handed me his Bible to help him find where we were reading. So what do you do as the “anointed man of God” when you are interrupted in the middle of your message by “the least of these”? I stopped, smiled, took the Bible and opened it to Nehemiah chapter 9.

After that service, I had many people approach me with tears thanking me for how I handled Daniel. None of them referenced my great message, only my simple act of kindness to one who is unable to say thank you. None of them knew that just a few weeks earlier their great loving pastor had made fun of this man. If I had not had that time of repentance with the Lord, I am sure that I would not have handled it the same way. The next week it happened again, and this time I asked one of the young leaders to help him find his place in the Bible. To Daniel, he is not trying to make a scene; I am convinced he is unaware of all the people watching him. It is just his way of saying “I trust you” and reminding me that I am no big deal.

The Apostle Paul, when writing about the Church as a body and how God has designed it, says, “the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor”. (1 Cor.12:22-23) God has designed His church to need weak members, who seem to have nothing to offer for the success of the ministry. But the very success of our ministry is learning to love the least of these. God will deposit these treasures in a church that is a safe place for the nobodies, the broken, the poor and the Ugly. I am honored to have a church that loves the Daniels and gets it that we need them far more than they need us.

Here are a few of my early lessons from the “book of Daniel”.

1. I am a very shallow person and have a long way to go in learning to love as He loves.

2. Those who reveal our weakness and inadequacies are gifts from the Father to humble us and teach us to depend on His grace. Who is your Daniel?

3. Pretty, successful, and strong churches are not safe places for the least of these; it will require Ugly Churches that do not hide their weakness and failures that welcome the broken. Could you pray a dangerous prayer asking Jesus to send His Daniels to your church?

4. Worship is far more than noise and movement, it may be silent, still, and even awkward on the outside but on the inside a joyful celebration maybe going on.

5. People watch us as leaders and Christians much more than they listen to us.

6. The Body of Christ is strong not because it is made up of strong members, but because the Head of the Church is the Lord of the universe. Until we realize how weak we really are, we will keep depending on human strengths, missing the power of grace.

7. I may have opened the Bible for Daniel, but God used him to open my eyes to the Bible.

8. Ugly Dancing is beautiful to Jesus. Stop trying to be a performer in worship, it is not about “Dancing with the Stars”, it is about Dancing with the Daniels.

In the scriptures, we find that Satan understood the meaning of Christmas far more than the people of God. The Gospel of Matthew presents the birth of Jesus as a violent event filled with weeping and heartbreak. When the Wise Men from the East arrive to worship the new King that was born, they check in with the ruler of the Jews, King Herod. This creates fear in the kings’ heart that there has been born a new king that may threaten his rule. Herod sends out orders to destroy all the boys in Bethlehem and the surrounding area under the age of two (Matt. 2:16). We cannot imagine the grief and the pain that came as a result of the birth of Jesus and the price these families paid because of it. This pretty Christmas setting filled with “peace on earth and goodwill to men” is shattered by violence and death.

It is too easy to pass off this slaughter as the work of an insanely jealous king who would do anything to remain in power. Yes, he was evil-he had killed his own wife and three of his sons already. But behind the hatred of Herod there stands a far greater evil with unimaginable hatred that fully knows who this child in swaddling clothing is.

In the Book of Revelation, John unveils for us the spiritual battle that is behind all of history. He uses both mythological and Old Testament language to reveal the Spiritual realities of this “war in the Heavens”. John sees a vision of a glorious woman who gives birth to a son in the presence of a terrible dragon waiting to “devour her child the moment it was born” (Rev. 12:1-4). John tells us this child is destined to rule as king over all nations (Rev. 12:5). John pulls back the veil on the real battle that is raging between God and Satan.

This battle is first spoken of in the Garden of Eden after the fall of man, and God gives the prophetic promise of the defeat of Satan by His seed, Jesus (Gen. 3:15). Ever since this prophecy of the coming Redeemer, the Evil One has been attempting to destroy the “seed of woman”. We see this graphically in Pharaohs’ killing of all the babies among the Hebrews, fearing a deliverer had been born (Ex. 1:16). Pharaoh was correct in his fears, but failed to stop God’s deliverer from liberating the people of God.

Satan’s knowledge is nothing compared with God’s, but he knows far more than most Christians do about who this child is that was born in a manger. He views Christmas as the beginning of an invasion by a King who has come to reclaim from him all that belongs to God. God became a man so He could destroy the devil and set free all those held captive by him (Heb. 2:14-15).

The birth of Jesus was an act of war. Yes, he came to “bring peace on earth” but it will cost Him His life on a cross to purchase this peace. The birth of Jesus is far more than a warm touching story we celebrate with gifts to one another. There is far more beauty in understanding His birth with all this Ugliness than attempting to “clean it up” to make it more presentable. As we celebrate Christmas this year, let’s do so with the armor of God on and the sword of His Spirit in our hands, ready for battle. We will follow our King into the battles ahead, knowing that He has already defeated our enemies. This may mess up your dreams of a pretty Christmas, but an Ugly Christmas brings the reality of true peace.

Many years ago the founder of the Vineyard drove his car to a dump and unloaded years of sheet music and songs that he had written as a professional musician. As John drove away from the dump leaving “a lifetime of work, sinking down into the mud and garbage,” his wife Carol said, “this was the beginning of Vineyard worship”. (Adapted from “The Way In Is the Way On”). Thus Vineyard worship was born out of John’s complete abandonment to the will of God, and through this Ugly death experience, Vineyard worship has grown to touch the Church worldwide. John taught us to measure the health of the Vineyard movement through the kinds of songs being written.

My journey into our style of “Ugly Worship” began in my early years of ministry through the death of a four year-old boy. You can read about it in the Power of Ugly, in the chapter Ugly Worship. This extremely painful experience made me learn how to worship in the midst of pain, without answers and the warm emotions of the nearness of the Father, but rather out of the weak places, in celebration of whatever grace you’ve received.

Wimber would sometimes ask this penetrating question about the movement he led, “Is Jesus still giving us His song?” I cannot answer that question for the entire Vineyard but for our church I can say, “Yes”. Jesus has been depositing His song in the hearts of our community of weak, courageous Christ followers. I have prayed for many years for His song to rise out of the soil of this church and this album “Ugly Worship” is His beauty growing out of the fertile ground of our weaknesses.

The songwriters are reflective of who we are as a church. Chad, who is just learning the guitar, has two amazing songs on the record (which drives the veterans crazy). RJ carries on the legacy of his father Chuck who was a leader in our church and worship team for years and is now with Jesus. I have watched Charles, who I have pastored for over 30 years, walk through great brokenness earning the right to sing “Offering”. KC, our youngest writer at 17, writes out of the pain of the recent loss of her mother. Skyler, who has welcomed the Father into inner struggles and writes out of the grace he’s received in these dark places. Jesús, (who with a name like that has to be a good worshiper) and his family started our Hispanic ministry years ago and now he helps lead us in both English and Spanish. Finally, Caleb who pastors our church with my wife Kim and I, who is the reason this album has come together.

Eight years ago, I hired a 17 year old out of our student ministry as a part time worship leader. That decision cost me dearly with those among us that did not see what the Father was doing as He was making us multi-generational. Over the years, Caleb has been a “Timothy” to me and has taken whatever I have deposited in him and has multiplied it many times over by investing in others. In many ways, he could have produced this album on his own, without including others, but we embrace the African proverb, “if you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go, far go together”-and he chose to go far.

The main ingredients of Ugly Worship are writing out of our struggles and weakness, being broken vessels who allow glorious light to shine through us. Not professionals or performers, but followers of Jesus who can only give away what they have first received. Not theory, great sounding concepts, or pretty words, but dirty worship filled with the earth of life; songs born out of pain, doubts and the joy of discovering His strength in weakness. Honest, humble lovers of Jesus who sing His song back to Him.
I hope you get a copy of Ugly Worship and experience the heart of our church reflected in these simple songs. I believe Ugly Worship will release people from the trap of trying to be pretty, all together, strong worshippers attempting to give God the offering of our goodness to become empty-handed worshippers who have nothing to offer God but our love and surrender.

We celebrate this birth of Ugly Worship! Our prayer is that our “Offering”, of Ugly Worship will bring glory to the One who gives us His song, Jesus.

For more information about Ugly Worship, the album, click here.

What they really mean is that all who are like us- the same race, English speaking, belonging to the same political party, agreeing with our views on illegal immigration, and who like the same music we do (of course, hating rap). Come as you are, really? No shoes or shirt? Wearing ball caps and piercings? Smelling like urine? Wearing a shirt that says Coexist, or Pro Choice, or worst of all, “I love President Obama”!

Truth be told, if we could get away with it, we would vet people at the door of our churches, only allowing in those who agree with us, will not bring any messes, look pretty, have a job, and of course, believe in tithing. What the secret knowledge behind our slogan, “all are welcome” really means is that we want nice people who are together, look like us, and will help our church appear more successful.

If we choose to practice the welcome of the Kingdom like Jesus modeled, it will be very costly.  Loving those who are like us requires little grace, but loving those who are different from us requires taking up the cross. I am often haunted and challenged by the question, “Would you want all the same kind of people that hung out with Jesus to come to your church?” If you have not paid any attention to the crowd that was attracted to Jesus take another look. The Gospel of Luke tells us they were the outcasts of society, the losers, the nobodies, the sinful, and the poor. (Luke 15:1, 5:30) Nothing made the religious leaders more upset than the welcome Jesus made to these people. Jesus’ response was to tell them that “it is the sick that need a doctor”, and that He was the great Physician. (Luke 5:31)

Of course it is not that nice people are not sick and in need of Doctor Jesus-but they are in such denial that they would not come to him for healing.  We are all sinfully sick people in need of the Gospel cure. This requires the church to be a hospital for broken people, not a university for saints, or a love boat for eating fried chicken buffets, or a fortress that is firing its guns at the evil world.  Hospitals are a messy, bloody and sometimes dangerous place where you catch infections-yet they are a place of hope and healing.

At the Vineyard we do not welcome everyone; we have a warning sign that says “No Perfect People Are Allowed“.  We station guards at the door and require evidence of your need for grace before allowing you to enter. (Ok, for those of you without a sense of humor, we don’t actually do that). It hit me freshly the other weekend at one of our “inspiring” services that we really are a broken group of Christ followers. We were taking up the offering, and I was about to offer up the anointed prayer when I looked down at one of our ushers who had shoved the wooden handle of the offering bag into his butt crack! I am not talking under his belt or shoved in with his shirt, no – it was deep into his bare butt crack.  As a pastor, this is when your life passes by in front of you, and you want to trade in your church for a new one; with every eye, including the guests who were dressed nicely and looked as if they might actually have a job, looking at the usher, oblivious, with the offering bag sticking out of his crack. How do you pray? “Father, help us to give generously today and please cleanse the bag handle from any nasty brown stuff”.  I was so conflicted between anger at this guy and embarrassment and fear of a bad offering that I barely choked out a fake prayer. You know the whole time the Father was laughing.

Our Heavenly Father does not tolerate broken people, He delights in them. To Him, diversity is beautiful and uniformity is death.  The back wall of our church is covered with huge pictures of people from all around the world. When we hung the “missional pictures”, I told our predominately white church that this is how we will look in the future, and until then we will keep the pictures of diversity on the wall. Yes, they were reminders of the nations around the world, but they also reflected the cultural diversity in our city. We are getting very close to being able to take those pictures down as our church is becoming very diverse. The Kingdom of God is filled with diversity under the banner of King Jesus. Under His Lordship, we must not allow any other loyalties to come before His Kingdom. Not our national loyalties, political affiliation, racial heritage, personal opinions, native language, dress, or musical tastes. We all come to the cross as sinners in need of forgiveness; no one comes in another way. When we say the words “Our Father” to address our God in prayer we obligate ourselves to love everyone else who calls Him Father, as our family.

If you are not being challenged in your church to love those who are very unlike you, it may be time to pray a dangerous prayer like, “Father please bring people into our church and into my life that are different and require a huge dose of your grace for me to love”.  I am grateful that we have an Ugly Church (read about it in The Power of Ugly) that exposes how judgmental, unloving, prideful and un-Christ-like I am.  We better start growing in welcoming those He loves, or Heaven will be a horribly shocking experience-if we make it!

“And they sang a new song: ‘You are worthy to take the scroll and to open the seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.’” Rev.5:9

Let’s learn to start singing this new song now in our churches by practicing the radical welcome of the Kingdom, or we will rob people from hearing the life transforming Good News of the Kingdom message. Let’s welcome everyone who comes, no matter how Ugly they are, remembering that there is abundant grace to cover all our cracks!