While I was looking at a pastor friend of mine’s brochure for a fund raising campaign, I noticed that all the people looked attractive, thin, well dressed and successful! I asked him if they were members of his church, and he said, “No, they’re models chosen to pose for the brochure”. I can’t judge my friend: I have often found myself fantasizing about a pretty, strong, successful church. If only I could rent one for a while! The problem would be that they would demand a strong, thin, good looking pastor and fire me!

Come on, be honest: if you have been in your church for any amount of time, haven’t you found yourself daydreaming of trading in your church for a newer model? Something cutting edge, excellent, with that new church smell, no draining people, no broken parts and of course with an extended warrantee.

I’m not sure of the exact moment when the reality hit me that the church I pastor was about “as good as it gets”. It was crushing. My dreams and idealism died on the altar of this Ugly Epiphany that the church will always be flawed and weak. I had tried tongues, prophecy, deep teaching, fear, threats, guilt, positive confession, hip music, cutting edge power points, fasting, all night prayer, and anointed teachers, but when all the pretty dust settled, there it still was: a big pile of ugly church. What do you do with this revelation? Trade in my ugly church in the hopes of finding a prettier one?

Here are the options you have in reacting to the ugly epiphany that God’s church has always been made up of nobodies, the least, the outcasts, weaklings and sinners, who are just like you: (1 Cor.1:27-29)

Judge the church: they’re a bunch of hypocrites. Stay home, maybe watch Joel on T.V.

Bounce from church to church looking for a pretty group of people who will make you feel successful and significant, only to keep discovering the depressing reality, when you get to know them, that they are just as broken as you.

Give up on ever seeing any change, suck it up, and stay miserable in the church you are presently attending, praying for the rapture.

 
Let me offer just one more option:
consider attending the Ugly Church Conference!
 
This will be a conference like no other, offering no secret knowledge of how to make your church large and successful. There are many pretty church conferences to attend led by large church experts who have the keys to “your best church now”. The Ugly Conference will serve as a spiritual colonic purging us from church growth models that are based on our better performance, leaving leaders even more overwhelmed. We want to offer the liberating “Epiphany of Ugly”, the freedom of “doing church” in the beauty of God’s grace. You will discover the wonderful truth that our weaknesses are really our strengths, they are the soil God’s grace grows best in.

I have spent the past 35 years of my life as a pastor and let me say straight up, I love and believe in the church, agreeing wholeheartedly with Bill Hybels profound confession that, “The Church is the hope of the world”. The Vineyard Community Church in Cape Coral is a beautiful example of how God’s grace grows best in the ugly soil of our weakness. We want to invite you to come and laugh with us or at us, and maybe even experience the freedom to laugh at yourself as you discover the liberation from performance and false expectation with the joy in becoming an Uglier you. We would consider it an honor to serve you as our honored guests at the Ugly Church Conference. You may consider passing this invite on to your pastor and church leaders.

Let me close with a stirring invite to the Ugly Church Conference from a dear friend of mine who gets it about our church and the liberating truth of the Power of Ugly – Costa Mitchell (National Director, Vineyard Churches South Africa.)

“Every jaded, burned out pastor should attend this Ugly Church Conference. Everyone exhausted by the legalisms of the church should make it their number one priority for the new year. Everyone who needs the confidence to break away from the plastic, image-conscious, performance-driven picture of ministry should attend this. Come and laugh, come and weep, come and let yourself off the hook. Just come!”

For more information about the Ugly Church Conference, click here.

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Wow, that’s a huge wave – I’m going to take it!”

“Jamie, I wouldn’t recommend it” – These were the last words I remember before paddling as hard as I could to catch the big one. I was with a group of Vineyard pastors at a leadership retreat in Acapulco with some guys who were old surfer dudes from California. I myself had never even been able to stand up on a surf board, but today we were body-surfing. It made no sense to me to pass up such a huge wave, and what did these old surfers know anyway! I felt this incredible rush as I rode the wave for a few seconds, hearing the theme music from Hawaii Five O. Suddenly the giant wave broke over top of me like a powerful hand crushing me down. I was tossed around like a limp rag, deeper and deeper until finally I was slammed to a halt. What little air I had left in my lungs was driven out, leaving me pressed to the bottom without oxygen. I had to wait for what seemed like forever for the pressure of the wave to let up so I could attempt to swim back to the surface. I prayed all the way up, and finally made it out, spewing water and gasping for air. I looked for help from my pastor buddies as they surfed by, only to hear, “we tried to tell you!” No mercy!

Even worse than my near death experience and humiliation was the Montezuma’s revenge I got from swallowing so much of that nasty water. I have never attempted surfing again, and remain what John Wimber referred to himself as: “a ground hugger”. The problem with finding security as a ground hugger is that the Lord often requires us to learn how to surf the waves if we are going to walk by faith!

Jesus sent his disciples in a small boat to go across the lake in Matthew 14:22-33. He needed some time alone with the Father, so he went up on a mountain to pray. During the night a storm arose on the Lake and the disciples were in trouble. I am sure they were feeling lost without having Jesus with them. I think with supernatural vision Jesus saw them in trouble, and I am sure he prayed for the Father to keep them safe and to calm the storm, but the Father had a different plan than just calming the storm, He wanted to reveal Jesus to them in a new way.

There are attributes of Jesus we can never know unless we meet Him in a major storm. The myth that faith keeps us from going through storms is both false and dangerous. Storms are opportunities to discover both the depth of our ugly weaknesses and the beauty of His grace. Faith does not exempt us from storms, actually it often leads us into them. In the darkness of a storm it can feel like Jesus is a million miles away and unconcerned about our troubles. The truth is “He sees us straining at the oars” (Mark 6:48) and comes to our rescue. I love the fact that Jesus “walks on the very waves that are threatening to destroy the disciples. He could have just rebuked the waves as he did at another time but he wanted to reveal himself as the Lord of all creation.

Peter seeing Jesus walking on the water, and cries out for permission to walk on the water to come to Jesus. I am sure at this point every other disciple in the boat is thinking Peter is crazy or a show off. But Jesus is pleased by his willingness to take a risk and responds with the word “Come”. When Jesus says “come” it is far more that permission, it is His life giving word that both invites and enables Peter to do the impossible. There is nothing more solid to stand on than the rock of His word.

I love this guy! He is bold, courageous and willing to risk it all. Out of all the disciples only Peter gets out of the boat to walk on the water to come to Jesus. Yes, I know he fails in his attempt, but he did make it several steps, which no other human has ever done. What a rush of joy must have filled his heart: “I am walking on water, it’s a miracle!” This ugly surfing by Peter is a beautiful picture of the Christian walk of faith.

Walking on the water is the only way you can come to Jesus! There is no other way to come to Jesus than a miracle of faith. There is no religious bridge we can walk on that will take us to Jesus. As the words of the great old hymn “Christ the Solid Rock” says “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”. Peter was not walking on the water; he was walking on the word of Jesus. The only thing that can support our faith is His word. Jesus calling to us to “Come”, is not asking us to perform the impossible but to believe in Him to do it. As when Jesus commanded the crippled man to “rise and walk”, it was impossible for him to do, unless the command came with the power to perform it. The Lord’s invitation to follow him by faith saying “come” both exposes our inability to do it, and reveals the power of His grace to enable us to walk on the waves.

Peter taking his eyes off of Jesus and seeing the threatening waves caused him to sink and nearly drown. But one gasp for help brought the hand of mercy immediately to pull him out of the water. Peter was learning to “walk by faith not by sight” (2 Cor. 5:7). Learning to walk by faith is filled with bruises and scars from our many falls but He holds our hands like a loving Father.

Here are a few lessons from Ugly Surfing

1.Storms are essential to grow our faith in the Lord of all storms.Faith brings us through storms not exempts us from them.
2.It may be too dark to see Him at times in storms but He is coming! He sees you and the very things that are causing you to fear, He is walking on top of them. All our enemies are under His feet.
3.As John Wimber taught us you spell faith: RISK. Playing it safe can become a lethal trap to walking by faith. We must at his word leave the safety of our boats and walk to Him on the water.
4.We will fail at times in our faith walk but we must let Him pull us up and put our eyes back on Him. He has great mercy on us when we fail attempting to step out in faith but He is never pleased with us for playing it safe. It can become a very dangerous place to be seeking only our security.
5.Pay attention to old faith surfers when they advise you on which waves to take, pride goes before a fall or drowning!

Listen for His voice in the next storm you are in, and hear Him say “come”, take the risk, get out of the boat and do some Ugly Surfing.
 
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From time to time I give myself a “manliness test”, to see if I still have what it takes! The truth be told, I always fail these tests, but because of the fact that I tried, I give myself a passing grade. Usually, these tests involve camping alone in the land of “banjo music”.

On one of these occasions, I was camping by a small creek in the North Georgia woods. I had a beautiful fire burning right next to the creek, and I enjoyed a time of communion with God. Then I spent the night full of terror as I kept hearing the screams of Ned off in the distance. I have learned that being a real man of courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to fight and not allow the fear to rule over me. So I fought through the fear, not wanting to wear the shame of driving back to our cabin and asking my wife to hold me as I sucked my thumb.

In the morning I awoke and realized that I had survived the night without being assaulted-or mauled by a bear! There is nothing sweeter than a warm fire in the morning after a sleepless night of fear, so with the cool midst coming off the creek and the birds greeting the sun with their songs of joy, I began to restart the fire. Starting a fire that still has hot coals is a very easy task-all you need to do is add some fresh sticks near the coals and blow on the embers. This, of course, requires getting very close to the coals while on your hands and knees so that your breath will reach the coals. As I blew and the coals began to glow and ignite the kindling, a bright flame appeared and with it a huge snake leaped out of the fire right at me! It was not one of my most manly moments, as I screamed like a little girl and cussed like an old sailor. I am not sure who was more scared, me or the snake.

This snake had found a safe, warm bed for the night. The fire had died off making it safe to curl up next to and enjoy the warm afterglow. After calming down with a few cups of camping coffee, I had a time of reflection about this experience. Here are some of my insights from this Ugly Fire.

1. A cool fire is a dangerous place. Sin loves to hide in the heart of a believer who has let their passion for Jesus die out. It opens the door in our lives for evil to hide in us when we are not “cold or hot, but just lukewarm”. (Rev. 3:15) Satan can do more harm with a believer who is no longer on fire for Jesus than a lost pagan. We may have been hot for Jesus years ago, but now we are just living off the afterglow. Past memories of great spiritual experiences are nice, but they give no fire to warm our hearts today.

2. There is no greater way to clean our hearts out than to reignite our passion for Jesus. To try to drive out the enemy with religious activity is a waste of time. It would have been like me screaming at the fire to drive out the snake. All it took was some fresh air, and the flames did the rest. Attempting to get believers to do the things that it requires to be spiritual is so much easier when they are motivated by their love for Jesus. Having a burning passion for the things of God gives us strength to resist the pull of the things of this world.

3. It is not as hard as it seems to restart a cool fire. It requires some new wood, close contact, and fresh air. The new wood is the ignitable material, the Word of God. The close contact is our humbling of ourselves to say, “Please Lord, send fresh fire,” and the fresh air is the wind of His Spirit moving on the coals of our hearts. There is an old tradition of an unwritten statement of Jesus, “He who is near me is near the fire”. We do not have to create a fire-only press into Jesus who is “a consuming fire”. (Heb.12:29)

4. Do not be shocked when you press into the Lord to light your fire again, and a large snake jumps out! Evil cannot stand the presence of the Lord. You cannot have a heart on fire for Jesus and a heart that is filled with sin-it will put out your passion for Him. You do not need to focus so much on the sin that needs to go, as you do on the fire that needs to grow brighter. Walking in the light will both reveal our darkness and cleanse our hearts. (1 John 1:7)

5. The Apostle Paul had some words of wisdom for a young pastor he was mentoring that it was his responsibility to keep his fire burning bright for Jesus. “I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…” (2 Tim.1:6 ) We must take personal responsibility for the fire in our hearts. We cannot live off the warmth of the fire of others, we must have our own passionate love for Jesus. The Lord can use the fire in the heart of others to help re-ignite our hearts, hanging out with people on fire for Jesus is essential to keep our hearts on fire.

6. One of my favorite books is the Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan, which is an allegory of the Christian life. I have an old picture illustrating one of the experiences the main character Pilgrim has when he visits “The Interpreters House”. He is shown a wall with a huge fire coming out of it, but the devil is standing there pouring water on the fire-yet the fire is not extinguished. The Interpreter (representing the Holy Spirit) takes Pilgrim to the other side of the wall where he sees the secret of why the fire will not go out; it is Jesus standing over the fire with a small vile of oil pouring it on the fire. God’s oil to keep our fire burning is much stronger than the evil one’s water that tries to extinguish it. We must keep our eyes on the oil of the Spirit and not be discouraged by dampening waters of the evil one. “Many waters cannot quench your love” (Song of Songs 8:7).

How is your fire burning? Beware of a cool fire, bad things hide in it. Take some time to add some fresh fuel on your fire by spending time with Jesus and His word. Invite Him to breathe on your embers and pour out the oil of His Spirit, re-igniting your fire. There is no greater defense of evil than a heart on fire for Jesus.

Come fire of God burn in me, ignite my passions for eternity.
 
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I was giving my new buddy Daniel (see Ugly Dancing here) a ride home from church in my jeep and I asked him about his story. He seemed uncertain what I meant and did not respond, so I asked some specific questions about his background and he briefly answered each question. I was trying to work up the courage to ask him about his disabilities. I do not have any experience with special needs people and it may not be appropriate to ask them, but I wanted to know what kind of disability he had. With the wind blowing on us from the topless jeep I cautiously asked him what his disability was. He stared down at the floor, not answering-I was afraid I had hurt him. Then the unexpected happened. He looked up, stared right in my face, and bluntly asked “so what are your disabilities?” I nearly ran off the road! I felt like I had been punched in the gut and was trying to get my breath.

What are my disabilities? I had never been asked that, I had never considered that I might have disabilities. Without thinking the answer that came out of my mouth completely surprised me, but seemed to satisfy Daniel. “I am sure I have lots of disabilities”. He moved on to a far more important question, “what do you think about those high gas prices?”

I cannot get his question-and how the tables were turned on me-out of my mind. I went from being the pastor with all the wisdom to being the counselee! I am far more comfortable in the roll of the teacher or counselor than I am sitting in the hot seat with the light shining on me. What are my disabilities! Did he just spin this back on me? Was he as certain of my disabilities as I was of his? Did he just feel sorry for me for not being more like him? Could this be God using a very simple man with a very high pitched voice to speak to me?

The question, “What are your disabilities?” makes the assumption you have already judged them as being disabled-leaving the only option-for someone to acknowledge them. It is much like asking someone if they have stopped beating their wife. I realize now I could have asked, “Daniel do you have any disabilities?” He may be completely unaware of being different or he may think everyone else is weird and he is normal. More likely though, he just accepts others as they are without trying to diagnose and label them, hoping others will do the same to him. He reminds me of one of my favorite movie characters, Forest Gump. I have always felt Forest is a great example of a childlike Christ follower. Forest would say “I may be a simple man, but I know what love is.” We all need that kind of disability!

What are my disabilities? I have come to discover that one of my greatest disabilities is not thinking I have any. It is so easy to see the deficiencies and flaws in others, but mine all seem so acceptable. It is like trying to smell your own breath (which is nearly impossible). It requires an honest friend, a Daniel, to lovingly open our eyes. Even the Apostle Paul celebrated the fact of having a “thorn in the flesh”, a disability that gave him the awareness of desperately needing God’s grace. (2Cor. 12:7-10) When we are strong, without apparent disabilities, we live in a prideful self-confidence that leaves no room for God in our lives. When we are weak and aware of it, we know we must depend of His grace, which invites God into our lives. (I call this the Power of Ugly)

Jesus warned us to first take care of the large wood beam in our eyes before we attempt to help a friend take a small speck of dust out of their eye. (Mat.7:3-5) It would be a painful experience to have a two-by-four sticking out of our heads, beating the person we are attempting to help with their problems. In fact, Jesus describes this as hypocritical and warns us to get the beam out of our eye first before we attempt to help another with their disabilities. Looking into the mirror is far more challenging than picking the weakness out in others. I am sure the Lord would have been far more pleased if I first told Daniel some of my weaknesses and disabilities before assaulting him with my beam.

Far too many Christians have the reputation of judging others and pointing out the evils in the world around us, blinded to their own sins. They are much like a person walking through a hospital shouting at people telling them they are all sick! We must learn to be like Dr. Jesus who “came to heal those who were sick”. (Mark 2:17) In fact, Jesus has nothing to offer those who have no disabilities-it is only the broken, the sinful, the weak, the lost, and the nobodies that He came to save. There is not a more difficult group of people to reach than those who feel they are good people. Rarely do people seek out a doctor when they feel healthy; no it is the sick that look for a healer. The only hope for those who are blinded to their need for healing is an “Epiphany of Weakness”. It is a gift to have our eyes opened to our true condition, revealing how desperately disabled we are. Only when we understand how sick we are will we seek for Doctor Jesus, who alone has the cure.

When I dropped Daniel off at his apartment, he got out, walking fast, as usual with his head down and he said “thank you for being my friend”. With tears in my eyes, I choked out the words, “No, thank you for being my friend”. I need him far more than he needs me! “God chose the weak things of this world to shame the strong”. (1 Cor. 1:27)

So what are your disabilities?
 
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I wanted to scream “nooooo!” but it was too late. She jumped! I was at a Christian concert and stage diving was in vogue-something I am grateful was not around in the 70’s. Several kids had jumped off the stage and their friends caught them, and so this rather large girl decided to join in the fun. With great faith in the crowd, she leaped off the stage. As she was in her mid-air flight, she had the horror of witnessing everyone scatter. She face planted on the ground, bounced, and rolled to a stop. I must confess that I was conflicted between inappropriate laughter and compassion for her; of course the laughter won out.

The song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” sounds so sweet, but is far from the truth. Most of us carry a lot of baggage and make for heavy lifting. Jesus tells the story of a crippled man that was unable to get to Him for healing on his own, but he was blessed to have four friends who carried him to Jesus (Mark 2:3). These friends go to great lengths to help their friend, they even “dug a ditch” in a roof to get him to Jesus. (See Ugly Ditches) The fact that Mark tells us that it took four friends to carry this guy makes me wonder if he was a big dude. These guys were straining under the dead weight of their friend, probably praying, “O God, O God, O God, Help”-as they sang “He is so heavy, but he’s my brother”.

I will confess, I am a heavy load for my friends. I often remind them, “it costs to be my friend.” I am so blessed to have a number of really good friends in my life who have, on many occasions, helped carry me to Jesus. I know these friends are a gift from God, but I have had to cultivate these friendships. Proverbs tells us that “he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (11:25). Friends may come into your life by the providence of God, and He expects us to be friendly and to serve others without putting expectations on them. Nothing will ruin a friendship quicker than unhealthy expectations.

Loneliness is a plague in our hooked up society. We may have acquaintances, but few friends. Again Proverbs warns, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24). The question is not how many people do you know, or how many “facebook friends” do you have, but who are you investing in as a friend without expecting something in return. Friendships take time, and are deepened through hard times. It has been in the dark places of my life where my deepest friendships have been forged. Seeing me in all my ugliness and still loving me, “A friend loves at all times.” (Pro. 17:17)

You might ask,” How many friends do you need?” My answer is how heavy are you? The bigger the load you are, the greater number of friends you need. I know I am heavy, requiring many strong friends. That obligates me to do a lot of heavy lifting for others, investing in them and acting as a friend. We must sow friendship to reap friends. You must catch stage divers before you expect to be caught!

There are no perfect friends out there, only broken people who are just like you. If you are expecting someone to never hurt you or let you down-a pretty friend-you are going to be greatly disillusioned. Only Jesus is a friend that will never fail us. All my friends are Ugly, because I am Ugly. We show each other grace to cover our weaknesses with a “love that covers a multitude of sin” (1 Peter 4:8). Here is one of my Ugly Friends reviews of my book The Power of Ugly:

“I once read this, ‘Friendship is like a prism through which the many variations of beauty are revealed in our lives.’ Jamie Stilson has been one of those great friends ever since I first met him nearly twenty-five years ago. But in this case, he has been the kind of friend that has helped reveal the ‘ugly’ in my own life. Whether traveling to Africa together or just doing lunch together every Monday for the last fourteen years, Jamie has shown me how to take God seriously without taking myself too seriously. Jamie has helped me to see my own ugliness and my need of God’s humbling grace. I absolutely loved reading his book, The Power of Ugly, because it so represents who he is-authentic, earthy, funny, insightful and in love with Jesus. This is a must read, you will laugh and you will cry. You will be challenged and you will be blessed. For sure, you will get a fresh new view of your ugly self and of God’s beautiful grace.” Dennis Gingerich, Founding Pastor Cape Christian Fellowship, Cape Coral, FL.

There are few people who, like Dennis, know all my ugliness and still love me. It is so humbling to have friends like him. Beautiful friends who never have a weakness are usually artificial, superficial and terrible stage diving catchers. Give me any ugly friend who loves me in spite of all my weaknesses any day over a fake pretty friend.

Here is a simple friendship test:

1. You need to move-who do you call to help pack? Who have you helped move?

2. You have two tickets to the NBA playoffs who do you bring? (assuming your wife hates b-ball).

3. Your teenager has not come home and it is 3 in the a.m., who do you call? (excluding the police and your pastor)

4. Who do you pray for regularly? Who are you aware of that prays for you?

5. Who will serve as pal-bearers at your memorial? Whose funeral have you attended?

6. If you are extremely sick, lying in a bed in Africa with only your tighty-whities on, who will dare to come in and pray for you?

7. Who do you tell your struggles, fears, and sins to?

8. Who will catch you if you go stage diving?

Let me end with a short list of some of my burden-bearing ugly friends who know I am ugly and heavy, but still choose to carry me. Bobby H. (36 yrs.), Dennis G. (25 yrs.), Jorge A (16 yrs.), Bob H. (12 yrs.) ,Jeff S. (5 yrs.), David C. (12 yrs.), David R. (16 yrs.), Bob M. (33 yrs.), Kevin F. (20 yrs.), Gary S. (32 yrs.), Steve L. (20 yrs.), Charles M. (30 yrs.). You all have helped carry me to Jesus to find healing, your love has covered a multitude of my sins and my life is richer because of you. Thank you my ugly brothers from another mother.
 
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