The Ugly Blog

From time to time I give myself a “manliness test”, to see if I still have what it takes! The truth be told, I always fail these tests, but because of the fact that I tried, I give myself a passing grade. Usually, these tests involve camping alone in the land of “banjo music”.

On one of these occasions, I was camping by a small creek in the North Georgia woods. I had a beautiful fire burning right next to the creek, and I enjoyed a time of communion with God. Then I spent the night full of terror as I kept hearing the screams of Ned off in the distance. I have learned that being a real man of courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to fight and not allow the fear to rule over me. So I fought through the fear, not wanting to wear the shame of driving back to our cabin and asking my wife to hold me as I sucked my thumb.

In the morning I awoke and realized that I had survived the night without being assaulted-or mauled by a bear! There is nothing sweeter than a warm fire in the morning after a sleepless night of fear, so with the cool midst coming off the creek and the birds greeting the sun with their songs of joy, I began to restart the fire. Starting a fire that still has hot coals is a very easy task-all you need to do is add some fresh sticks near the coals and blow on the embers. This, of course, requires getting very close to the coals while on your hands and knees so that your breath will reach the coals. As I blew and the coals began to glow and ignite the kindling, a bright flame appeared and with it a huge snake leaped out of the fire right at me! It was not one of my most manly moments, as I screamed like a little girl and cussed like an old sailor. I am not sure who was more scared, me or the snake.

This snake had found a safe, warm bed for the night. The fire had died off making it safe to curl up next to and enjoy the warm afterglow. After calming down with a few cups of camping coffee, I had a time of reflection about this experience. Here are some of my insights from this Ugly Fire.

1. A cool fire is a dangerous place. Sin loves to hide in the heart of a believer who has let their passion for Jesus die out. It opens the door in our lives for evil to hide in us when we are not “cold or hot, but just lukewarm”. (Rev. 3:15) Satan can do more harm with a believer who is no longer on fire for Jesus than a lost pagan. We may have been hot for Jesus years ago, but now we are just living off the afterglow. Past memories of great spiritual experiences are nice, but they give no fire to warm our hearts today.

2. There is no greater way to clean our hearts out than to reignite our passion for Jesus. To try to drive out the enemy with religious activity is a waste of time. It would have been like me screaming at the fire to drive out the snake. All it took was some fresh air, and the flames did the rest. Attempting to get believers to do the things that it requires to be spiritual is so much easier when they are motivated by their love for Jesus. Having a burning passion for the things of God gives us strength to resist the pull of the things of this world.

3. It is not as hard as it seems to restart a cool fire. It requires some new wood, close contact, and fresh air. The new wood is the ignitable material, the Word of God. The close contact is our humbling of ourselves to say, “Please Lord, send fresh fire,” and the fresh air is the wind of His Spirit moving on the coals of our hearts. There is an old tradition of an unwritten statement of Jesus, “He who is near me is near the fire”. We do not have to create a fire-only press into Jesus who is “a consuming fire”. (Heb.12:29)

4. Do not be shocked when you press into the Lord to light your fire again, and a large snake jumps out! Evil cannot stand the presence of the Lord. You cannot have a heart on fire for Jesus and a heart that is filled with sin-it will put out your passion for Him. You do not need to focus so much on the sin that needs to go, as you do on the fire that needs to grow brighter. Walking in the light will both reveal our darkness and cleanse our hearts. (1 John 1:7)

5. The Apostle Paul had some words of wisdom for a young pastor he was mentoring that it was his responsibility to keep his fire burning bright for Jesus. “I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…” (2 Tim.1:6 ) We must take personal responsibility for the fire in our hearts. We cannot live off the warmth of the fire of others, we must have our own passionate love for Jesus. The Lord can use the fire in the heart of others to help re-ignite our hearts, hanging out with people on fire for Jesus is essential to keep our hearts on fire.

6. One of my favorite books is the Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan, which is an allegory of the Christian life. I have an old picture illustrating one of the experiences the main character Pilgrim has when he visits “The Interpreters House”. He is shown a wall with a huge fire coming out of it, but the devil is standing there pouring water on the fire-yet the fire is not extinguished. The Interpreter (representing the Holy Spirit) takes Pilgrim to the other side of the wall where he sees the secret of why the fire will not go out; it is Jesus standing over the fire with a small vile of oil pouring it on the fire. God’s oil to keep our fire burning is much stronger than the evil one’s water that tries to extinguish it. We must keep our eyes on the oil of the Spirit and not be discouraged by dampening waters of the evil one. “Many waters cannot quench your love” (Song of Songs 8:7).

How is your fire burning? Beware of a cool fire, bad things hide in it. Take some time to add some fresh fuel on your fire by spending time with Jesus and His word. Invite Him to breathe on your embers and pour out the oil of His Spirit, re-igniting your fire. There is no greater defense of evil than a heart on fire for Jesus.

Come fire of God burn in me, ignite my passions for eternity.

I was giving my new buddy Daniel (see Ugly Dancing here) a ride home from church in my jeep and I asked him about his story. He seemed uncertain what I meant and did not respond, so I asked some specific questions about his background and he briefly answered each question. I was trying to work up the courage to ask him about his disabilities. I do not have any experience with special needs people and it may not be appropriate to ask them, but I wanted to know what kind of disability he had. With the wind blowing on us from the topless jeep I cautiously asked him what his disability was. He stared down at the floor, not answering-I was afraid I had hurt him. Then the unexpected happened. He looked up, stared right in my face, and bluntly asked “so what are your disabilities?” I nearly ran off the road! I felt like I had been punched in the gut and was trying to get my breath.

What are my disabilities? I had never been asked that, I had never considered that I might have disabilities. Without thinking the answer that came out of my mouth completely surprised me, but seemed to satisfy Daniel. “I am sure I have lots of disabilities”. He moved on to a far more important question, “what do you think about those high gas prices?”

I cannot get his question-and how the tables were turned on me-out of my mind. I went from being the pastor with all the wisdom to being the counselee! I am far more comfortable in the roll of the teacher or counselor than I am sitting in the hot seat with the light shining on me. What are my disabilities! Did he just spin this back on me? Was he as certain of my disabilities as I was of his? Did he just feel sorry for me for not being more like him? Could this be God using a very simple man with a very high pitched voice to speak to me?

The question, “What are your disabilities?” makes the assumption you have already judged them as being disabled-leaving the only option-for someone to acknowledge them. It is much like asking someone if they have stopped beating their wife. I realize now I could have asked, “Daniel do you have any disabilities?” He may be completely unaware of being different or he may think everyone else is weird and he is normal. More likely though, he just accepts others as they are without trying to diagnose and label them, hoping others will do the same to him. He reminds me of one of my favorite movie characters, Forest Gump. I have always felt Forest is a great example of a childlike Christ follower. Forest would say “I may be a simple man, but I know what love is.” We all need that kind of disability!

What are my disabilities? I have come to discover that one of my greatest disabilities is not thinking I have any. It is so easy to see the deficiencies and flaws in others, but mine all seem so acceptable. It is like trying to smell your own breath (which is nearly impossible). It requires an honest friend, a Daniel, to lovingly open our eyes. Even the Apostle Paul celebrated the fact of having a “thorn in the flesh”, a disability that gave him the awareness of desperately needing God’s grace. (2Cor. 12:7-10) When we are strong, without apparent disabilities, we live in a prideful self-confidence that leaves no room for God in our lives. When we are weak and aware of it, we know we must depend of His grace, which invites God into our lives. (I call this the Power of Ugly)

Jesus warned us to first take care of the large wood beam in our eyes before we attempt to help a friend take a small speck of dust out of their eye. (Mat.7:3-5) It would be a painful experience to have a two-by-four sticking out of our heads, beating the person we are attempting to help with their problems. In fact, Jesus describes this as hypocritical and warns us to get the beam out of our eye first before we attempt to help another with their disabilities. Looking into the mirror is far more challenging than picking the weakness out in others. I am sure the Lord would have been far more pleased if I first told Daniel some of my weaknesses and disabilities before assaulting him with my beam.

Far too many Christians have the reputation of judging others and pointing out the evils in the world around us, blinded to their own sins. They are much like a person walking through a hospital shouting at people telling them they are all sick! We must learn to be like Dr. Jesus who “came to heal those who were sick”. (Mark 2:17) In fact, Jesus has nothing to offer those who have no disabilities-it is only the broken, the sinful, the weak, the lost, and the nobodies that He came to save. There is not a more difficult group of people to reach than those who feel they are good people. Rarely do people seek out a doctor when they feel healthy; no it is the sick that look for a healer. The only hope for those who are blinded to their need for healing is an “Epiphany of Weakness”. It is a gift to have our eyes opened to our true condition, revealing how desperately disabled we are. Only when we understand how sick we are will we seek for Doctor Jesus, who alone has the cure.

When I dropped Daniel off at his apartment, he got out, walking fast, as usual with his head down and he said “thank you for being my friend”. With tears in my eyes, I choked out the words, “No, thank you for being my friend”. I need him far more than he needs me! “God chose the weak things of this world to shame the strong”. (1 Cor. 1:27)

So what are your disabilities?

I wanted to scream “nooooo!” but it was too late. She jumped! I was at a Christian concert and stage diving was in vogue-something I am grateful was not around in the 70’s. Several kids had jumped off the stage and their friends caught them, and so this rather large girl decided to join in the fun. With great faith in the crowd, she leaped off the stage. As she was in her mid-air flight, she had the horror of witnessing everyone scatter. She face planted on the ground, bounced, and rolled to a stop. I must confess that I was conflicted between inappropriate laughter and compassion for her; of course the laughter won out.

The song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” sounds so sweet, but is far from the truth. Most of us carry a lot of baggage and make for heavy lifting. Jesus tells the story of a crippled man that was unable to get to Him for healing on his own, but he was blessed to have four friends who carried him to Jesus (Mark 2:3). These friends go to great lengths to help their friend, they even “dug a ditch” in a roof to get him to Jesus. (See Ugly Ditches) The fact that Mark tells us that it took four friends to carry this guy makes me wonder if he was a big dude. These guys were straining under the dead weight of their friend, probably praying, “O God, O God, O God, Help”-as they sang “He is so heavy, but he’s my brother”.

I will confess, I am a heavy load for my friends. I often remind them, “it costs to be my friend.” I am so blessed to have a number of really good friends in my life who have, on many occasions, helped carry me to Jesus. I know these friends are a gift from God, but I have had to cultivate these friendships. Proverbs tells us that “he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (11:25). Friends may come into your life by the providence of God, and He expects us to be friendly and to serve others without putting expectations on them. Nothing will ruin a friendship quicker than unhealthy expectations.

Loneliness is a plague in our hooked up society. We may have acquaintances, but few friends. Again Proverbs warns, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24). The question is not how many people do you know, or how many “facebook friends” do you have, but who are you investing in as a friend without expecting something in return. Friendships take time, and are deepened through hard times. It has been in the dark places of my life where my deepest friendships have been forged. Seeing me in all my ugliness and still loving me, “A friend loves at all times.” (Pro. 17:17)

You might ask,” How many friends do you need?” My answer is how heavy are you? The bigger the load you are, the greater number of friends you need. I know I am heavy, requiring many strong friends. That obligates me to do a lot of heavy lifting for others, investing in them and acting as a friend. We must sow friendship to reap friends. You must catch stage divers before you expect to be caught!

There are no perfect friends out there, only broken people who are just like you. If you are expecting someone to never hurt you or let you down-a pretty friend-you are going to be greatly disillusioned. Only Jesus is a friend that will never fail us. All my friends are Ugly, because I am Ugly. We show each other grace to cover our weaknesses with a “love that covers a multitude of sin” (1 Peter 4:8). Here is one of my Ugly Friends reviews of my book The Power of Ugly:

“I once read this, ‘Friendship is like a prism through which the many variations of beauty are revealed in our lives.’ Jamie Stilson has been one of those great friends ever since I first met him nearly twenty-five years ago. But in this case, he has been the kind of friend that has helped reveal the ‘ugly’ in my own life. Whether traveling to Africa together or just doing lunch together every Monday for the last fourteen years, Jamie has shown me how to take God seriously without taking myself too seriously. Jamie has helped me to see my own ugliness and my need of God’s humbling grace. I absolutely loved reading his book, The Power of Ugly, because it so represents who he is-authentic, earthy, funny, insightful and in love with Jesus. This is a must read, you will laugh and you will cry. You will be challenged and you will be blessed. For sure, you will get a fresh new view of your ugly self and of God’s beautiful grace.” Dennis Gingerich, Founding Pastor Cape Christian Fellowship, Cape Coral, FL.

There are few people who, like Dennis, know all my ugliness and still love me. It is so humbling to have friends like him. Beautiful friends who never have a weakness are usually artificial, superficial and terrible stage diving catchers. Give me any ugly friend who loves me in spite of all my weaknesses any day over a fake pretty friend.

Here is a simple friendship test:

1. You need to move-who do you call to help pack? Who have you helped move?

2. You have two tickets to the NBA playoffs who do you bring? (assuming your wife hates b-ball).

3. Your teenager has not come home and it is 3 in the a.m., who do you call? (excluding the police and your pastor)

4. Who do you pray for regularly? Who are you aware of that prays for you?

5. Who will serve as pal-bearers at your memorial? Whose funeral have you attended?

6. If you are extremely sick, lying in a bed in Africa with only your tighty-whities on, who will dare to come in and pray for you?

7. Who do you tell your struggles, fears, and sins to?

8. Who will catch you if you go stage diving?

Let me end with a short list of some of my burden-bearing ugly friends who know I am ugly and heavy, but still choose to carry me. Bobby H. (36 yrs.), Dennis G. (25 yrs.), Jorge A (16 yrs.), Bob H. (12 yrs.) ,Jeff S. (5 yrs.), David C. (12 yrs.), David R. (16 yrs.), Bob M. (33 yrs.), Kevin F. (20 yrs.), Gary S. (32 yrs.), Steve L. (20 yrs.), Charles M. (30 yrs.). You all have helped carry me to Jesus to find healing, your love has covered a multitude of my sins and my life is richer because of you. Thank you my ugly brothers from another mother.

“Your Daddy digs ditches and your Mamma wears army boots”.

In the 70’s this was a saying we used to put someone in their place who thought they were all that. You might be a red-neck if you have a bumper sticker that says “My Son Is a Ditch Digger”. You may be shocked to find out that digging a ditch is one of the most spiritual things you can do!

In 2 Kings 3, we find the story of Gods people marching to battle against their enemy. There were in the desert and ran out of water, leaving them weak and vulnerable. They called on God and He sent them the prophet Elisha, and they begged him to give them a word from God. After a time of worship-and with great expectancy-the leaders waited for this man of God to give them the words that would deliver them.

“Dig ditches. In fact, fill the whole valley with ditches.” That’s all you got? “Dig a ditch.” What kind of foolish message is that? We are warriors ready for battle and you want us to drop our swords and start digging? Our enemies will mock us and chanting, “Your daddy digs ditches….”

I love the ways of God, they are always humbling to our pride and offensive to our wisdom. It would make sense to dig ditches if there was some secret underground stream, or if there were dark clouds in the distance, but that was not the case. They had to dig in humble obedience to the word from God. As they filled the valley with ditches, it must have felt much like digging their own graves. The wilderness is the place of dying to our abilities and strengths to discover His grace. Doing the faithful work that seems unimportant is our part of the miracle. We cannot create rain-that is God’s job-but we can be ready for it. In fact the Lord told them that they, “would never see any rain, yet the valley would be filled with water”.

This word reminds me of how John Wimber the founder of the Vineyard would describe how revival works. He used the analogy of the people of God in worship-without knowing where the water came from, they looked down and discovered they were standing ankle deep in water. They Lifted their heads to heaven, returning to worship, only to discover now that they were standing knee deep in the water. Again, they went back to worship, keeping their eyes on Jesus, not the level of the water. Suddenly they were being swept away by the water because it was so deep. John taught us to never seek the power of the Spirit, but to seek the presence of Jesus-because the power was in the presence. He cautioned us from focusing on the rising water and to just keep worshipping (digging ditches). The work of the Spirit is a mystery and cannot be manufactured, explained, or controlled. But we can be prepared with empty ditches that He can fill!

I received this word from the Lord to dig ditches a number of years ago when our church was experiencing a severe drought. We were going through a time of painful pruning, with many people leaving the church. We had lost nearly twenty percent of our congregation, moved back to one weekend service, and I was ready to quit. During this time my Mother moved in with us and was dying. It was a dark night for my soul. In the midst of this, the Lord challenged me to grab a shovel and start digging ditches. I knew He was not telling me to try to dig out of this, but to start doing things that brought expectation of the coming rain.

My ditches were things like digging deeper into time alone with the Father and journaling. I spent more time studying His word just to feed my soul. I invested more time in my young leaders. I worked on moving the church to be more outwardly focused. Much of what I did was uneventful and ordinary-just one shovel at a time. I did not want to dig alone, so I called our team to join me filling our valley with ditches.

We planned on new ditches in our church by launching our community groups with far more groups than we could ever fill. We restarted a second service, not knowing where the people would come from to fill it. We added another day in our Hope Center to feed people. We promoted some very young leaders to replace many of the old ones who had left the church. None of the things we did produced the rain, but we dug all these ditches in obedience and faith, expecting God to faithfully do His part. An Ugly Ditch is a statement that says we are desperately dependent, but confidently expectant. Something supernatural happens to a church that gets it about digging ditches.

To not dig is to die, as you cannot live long without hope. To not dig is to be unfaithful and lazy spiritually. To not dig is to be unprepared for His outpouring of blessings; they will just run off the hard ground. Waiting on God in the desert place is a very difficult journey, but if you grab a shovel and start digging some Ugly Ditches without looking for the rain clouds, it will build both character and your faith.

If you look at the hands of any leader who has survived the desert, you will discover some tough spiritually calloused hands from many hours with a shovel. Most Christians today have soft hands and calloused hearts. We need to learn the spiritual discipline of ditch digging. Remember as the Lord told the people about the ditches being filled “This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord”. (2 Kings 3:18)

It is never our responsibility to do what is God’s part-that is prideful unbelief. It is also passive, lazy, and unfaithful to expect God to do our part. This is how grace works: we dig the ditches and He fills them with good things. So grab a shovel and start digging some Ugly Ditches. Don’t be surprised when you look down and the water is rising, just keep digging. I will receive it as an honor to be hear the Lord say “well done my good and faithful ditch digger”.

I had the family all loaded in the car, ready to rush to church, and only one thing was missing: my wife.   It was then the thought hit me, “maybe she needs some encouragement”, and so, feeling very wise,  I decided to lay on the horn!  I will spare you the details, but let me just say it did not have the effect I had desired. I have never been good at any kind of waiting, and it’s been no different in learning to wait on the Lord.  I wish waiting on the Lord was a spiritual gift I could receive through a prayer. Instead, the art of waiting on the Lord seems to be a discipline learned in the heart only through many painful lessons.

I have studied lots of theology books, and I love to read about the attributes of God, but I’ve come to discover that they often leave out some of the most important ones.  One that no one talks about is the “slowness of God”. God behind the wheel is no Nascar driver; He is more like a winter visitor from Ohio. Every time I begin to feel a little holy, God sends one of these drivers to pull out in front of me and go 20 miles an hour for ten miles on a two lane road where passing is not allowed. Waiting on the Lord would be easy if God could find the gas pedal and hurry up; why is He so slow?

Most of my prayer life is wasted on trying to get God on my timetable.  He is like my wife; the more you blow the horn, the slower He goes. I know you can quote me the sweet Christian saying, “God is never late”, but that depends on whose time table you are talking about, ours or His. God moves with eternity in mind: “a day with him is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day”. That’s not the clock that is ticking in my brain. We are admonished to “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

Waiting on the Lord requires dying to you being in charge. It is not only doing the will of God but doing it in His time. Many times I have discerned what the Father wants me to do and I launch out to do it, only to quickly discover I am without His peace. I have moved ahead of Him. A good thing becomes a bad thing when we do it on our time not His. We become like Abraham, who got tired of waiting on God and attempted to help him make a son in his own strength, resulting in Ishmael. He begged God to bless this son as the fulfillment of His promise, but God said no.  We must do the will of God His way and in His time. Premature actions lead to pain.

The “slowness of God” is rooted in His love and wisdom. It is so arrogant to think we know better than God in what He should do, and it is just as prideful to think we know when God should do something. God’s timing is perfect even if it is late to us.  Learning to wait on the Lord is not some form of stoic gritting your teeth and fighting the urge to blow the horn. The art of waiting is an act of surrender; it’s worship. It’s celebrating our trust in Him and the expectation that we will see His goodness in His time.  How we wait is often more important than if we wait.  We must wait with our eyes on Him, resting with peace.  As we wait, He is working in us to make us ready for what is coming. He promises that, “They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength”. (Isa.40:31)

There are desperate times when it is appropriate to pray, as the Psalmist does, for God’s help to come quickly, “Hurry O God, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me.” (Ps.70:1) There is nothing that can travel faster than the speed of God’s mercy reaching down to rescue us.  We can say that He is both extremely slow, yet at other times He moves as suddenly as lightning; and it is always up to Him to set the speed.  If you read the Gospels you will see over and over how Jesus let the Father set the pace.  He traveled with a since of Kingdom time, not by the demands of others.  Jesus often said no to doing good things because it was not the right time.  He was never in a hurry. Jesus invites us to “take his yoke upon us and learn from him” (Mat.12:29), and when we do this we discover the speed of grace.  It is the speed of letting him set the pace, which in my life is often much slower than I would like to go.This gives new meaning to the African proverb, “if you want to go fast, go alone and if you want to go far, go together”. I am learning to delight in His pace, realizing how much farther I will be able to go walking with Him in joy and peace.

Learning to wait on the Lord is a messy struggle, but Ugly Waiting is far better than missing God.  “Be still and know that I am God”.  (Ps. 46:10)